It’s you, it’s you, it’s always been you.
How stupid and how blind I’ve been for all this long time.
Let’s face it, I was just plain stupid or playing fool… I think I didn’t really wanted to see it. Since you and I were in such different and painful situations and stages right now in our lives… that couldn’t be.
But, wanna know something? I never lost hope. Even though there were times when everything seemed that way, everything seemed to fall apart, and I even pretended to be happy with someone else… truth is this:
“Love points in only one direction” as you said, and that direction has always had a specific target: I don’t think I need to say your name, do I?
And you were always right, friendship IS the key to a good relationship, and love must be founded in mutual trust, respect for each other and a little bit of admiration. And you know what? I admire the hell out of you. Maybe I don’t say it as often as I should or could… but I really do. You’ve always been my favorite human being in the whole world. Since we met so many years have passed, but that spark I feel is still there, and I don’t want it ever to die. Do you? I wouldn’t seriously imagine a world without you in it, I just don’t know what would I do… I’d be devastated. You’ve always been there one way or another, and even if you have given me advices such as “it’s okay to move on” “you can live your life without depending on someone” I tell you right now and right here in total honesty: I couldn’t possibly live without you. It’s the truth, what do you want me to do about it?
And it’s not that I depend on you, or need you like air to breath, or any of those corny phrases (that I often use a lot, I know… silly me), it’s the real deal this time. It always has been, but now I feel it more than ever.
This is not a children game anymore.
This is life.
It’s for reals this time. Like you’ve always said, I was missing strategy. I refused to believe that life or human relationships were like a board game where you needed to strategize your moves and plan your decisions way ahead, but now I know it, you (without even noticing it maybe) have convinced me that way.
I’m not trying to force you or convince you on anything. Life is life, and shit happens. If this is an unrequited love letter, so be it. But I warn you, and I shit you not: I won’t give up that easily. And that’s not to say I’ll be as insistent and obnoxious as the last time, quite the contrary, I’ll be persistent and strong in my feelings, but careful, wise, prudent and cautious… if this is my last chance in life to achieve what I’ve always wanted, I won’t let it go to waste that fast. It’s not a promise, it’s a fact. I’ll give everything I got in here to prove I truly desire this.
I wanna fill up those holes in your heart, I wanna be there on your side to fight whatever calamity comes. And this time I’ll stand up for you, no doubt about it. I’m not a teenager anymore and even though my heart may feel like one deep inside, my mind doesn’t. And I know what I must and must not do this time around.
And not to say you’re an incomplete woman, or we’re some kinds of puzzle pieces that need to fit together to survive and be happy.
We’re two very different (but at the same so alike) human beings with our own capabilities, peculiarities and desires… but we share the same principles, the same ideas, the same basic core is embedded in our insides. So we’re not gonna be a couple of stupid teenagers trying to get un-lonely or to hang out just to have fun and feel frisky and funny.
When two whole souls complement each other, it’s not because they lack something or are incomplete. It’s because they’ve achieved such a level of wholeness and completeness that they need to share that with someone else of their same condition.
And that is why I think we belong together.
Not because of fate, not because of some old chinese profecy, not because of some hunch (well maybe that one). But because it’s a fact I can’t refuse, and my heart and brain won’t let me lie.
I am here.